BlakeRoberson.net

Two weeks ago my buddies and I decided to take a trip down to New Orleans, LA. Flights were ridiculously cheap and all of us had a few vacation days to burn. As one might expect on a trip to The Big Easy by a group of five, twenty-something year old guys, debauchery ensued and it was an absolute great time.

Just to share one of the many stories from this trip; one night three of us ended up in a strip club on Bourbon Street. However, before I go any further with this story it should be noted that I do not know how to interact with strippers. They make me uncomfortable and I am always very standoffish with them. I feel like they’re used car salesmen trying to sell me something I don’t want. I always want to tell them, “I don’t want you to come talk to me, I’m just looking.” Needless to say, strip clubs aren’t places I generally hang out in.

However, one of my buddies is very comfortable with strippers, and even seems to speak their language (I think it involves clicks and some form of sign language). So as we’re sitting there drinking a few beers a blonde stripper comes over and sits with my friend. As they’re chatting I couldn’t help but notice her thick Russian accent. It was then that we had the following conversation:

Me: I like your accent. Are you from Russia?
Russian Stripper: No I am from Virginia (Said in a Russian accent)
Me: Are you sure? You sound like you might be from Russia.
RS: No I am from Virginia. I dance for money now. (Said in a Russian accent)
Me: I don’t think you’re from Virginia. You sound like you might be from the Ukraine.
RS: You shut up. I dance for you now. (Said in a Russian accent)

Even though I was worried she was up to no good and ultimately just out to get “moose and squirrel” I couldn’t help but laugh.

A few weeks ago I met this girl at a bar. She was there with a mutual friend and we kind of hit it off. She was a decent looking girl and actually a few years older than me (I’m 27. She was 33). I really enjoyed talking with her because she seemed witty and easily carried a conversation. Naturally we exchanged numbers and agreed that we should meet up. A few days past and I asked her if she’d like to go get drinks with me one night. She accepted and we set a time and a place.

The date went well. We had a couple beers, cracked a few jokes, talked about what we do, our hobbies, our interests, etc. Basically just normal first date stuff. However, on the way home I received a text from her…. While this normally a pretty good thing (it’s usually a sign that girl is into you if she texting you before you even get home), our text conversation kind of turned weird. During the course of a normal text conversation she started throwing in various cuss words. It normally doesn’t bother me when girls swear. In fact I kind of like it a little. However, this chick was just cussing like a sailor [Insert Red Flag Here]. At the end of the eff-ing conversation we agreed that we should hang out again when she got back in town from a business trip she was about to go on.

Fast forward a couple days and I randomly get this facebook message from this chick (It should be noted that she and I are not actually even facebook friends). While it was odd that she sent me a facebook message in the first place, it was “blow your mind crazy” when I actually read it. The whole message was her asking how I was doing and her looking forward to seeing me again but it was written as a letter from a sensei master to a young warrior (the relevance of why it was written like this is because I mentioned during our date that I played on a kickball team called Cobra Kai). I assumed she was trying to be amusing; but honestly, that was just weird. Needless to say, I didn’t write her back and/or call her again.

A few days later I began to feel bad after I completely dodged her in a bar. I assume that she probably wondered (although I honestly hope she has a little bit of clue) why it didn’t work out. I told my friend Candi that I was thinking about writing her a nice letter telling her what happened and what she did to completely scare me away. I figured if nothing else, perhaps it would be beneficial if she knew. I mean she’s 33 and she’s acting like a wack job.  Candi severely advised against this and said I said I would be better off if I left it alone. Mainly because she thought I’d probably just end up hurting this girl’s feelings.

The whole ordeal got me thinking about how much easier dating would be if we told each other why things didn’t work out. Imagine if a girl/guy told you that they were turned off because they thought you checked out the waitress/waiter when they brought your drinks. Maybe they just didn’t like your style (you’re preppy and they like the rocker type). Perhaps you came across as an asshole. Possibly they simply could have also been seeing someone else and chose to pursue that option instead. The list could go on and on.

All garbage aside about finding the one who loves you for who you are, I think that knowing what mistakes you’re making might be beneficial… Even if feelings do get hurt from time to time. Just sayin’