BlakeRoberson.net

I’ve always wondered if when people rise from the grave, do they really prefer brains over peanuts. Tonight I learned that they prefer peanuts.

While Heather and I were in Kroger this evening we saw the scariest lady ever. Strangely this scary lady was just standing in the aisle staring at a can peanuts, almost examining them in a scary/creepy/deadly/WEIRD kind of way. This woman was so scary she looked like she had a KISS mask on but it was really her face. Just to simplify the description, she honestly looked like she was the walking dead (no exaggeration). She even smelled like it too.

Heather and I were so dumbstruck by this zombie lady that we totally forgot we needed juice and began walking around the store aimlessly. This meant we had to walk all the way back to the other side of the store. We could barely concentrate on what we were even there for. Just to make sure we had everything before we left, we had to seriously focus in a small huddle.

The site of the dead walking the earth again really through us for a loop. I couldn’t get the idea of her breaking into the “thriller dance” out of my head and I just kept chuckling to myself the entire time.

Yesterday I signed up to run the Country Music half Marathon in April. . .

My friend Kati mentioned it and said how she really wanted to run in it. However, the catch was that she didn’t want to do it by herself. She then asked me if I would be interested in doing it with her. She also added that I was probably the only friend she had who would really even be serious about considering something like that. I don’t know if she told that line to everyone, but it actually worked on me.

Running in a marathon has always been something I have wanted to do. Unfortunately I’ve never been in marathon running shape (how many people have) and I’ve never had anyone to push me through it. Although I know that this is only a half marathon, I know I have to start somewhere. But now I have a reason to train, a goal to work towards, and a fantastic feat to achieve.

Even though I haven’t actually started training yet I’ve been thinking really hard about my game plan. I’ve also decided that I’m going to start a separate blog about the process.

I think I’ll probably just post things about how it’s going, keep track of the weight I lose, articles/tidbits of information I find, and all sorts of other good stuff. I might even get with Kati and we can blog together. A two person blog. I’ll be sure and post a link once I get started.

Pretty soon I’m going to be able to scratch something off my list of things to do in my lifetime. It’s actually kind of exciting. Thanks to my Cousin and my Aunt for lending me a treadmill while I train.

I slept so soundly in my bed last night. I don’t think you realize how close to exhaustion you are until you finally get a good night sleep. Then you look back on it and say to yourself “Ghee I felt like crap”.

Also if you’re like you me you probably got way more than you deserved over the holiday and now your sitting in a pile of boxes, bags, and other random containers that are full of presents. Right now I am literally sitting in a huge pile of boxes, bags, and other random containers that are full of presents. I can hardly even walk to my bedroom without stepping on something new.

I’ve been trying to organize the pile but it hasn’t seemed to help. It actually created two new baby piles in the process. I’ve got a pile of new stuff in the boxes, bags, and other random containers, a pile of the new stuff I’ve opened, and a pile of trash. I’m afraid that a pile or two may tip over and cover me in an avalanche of new stuff. I’d be unable to get out and I’d be trapped for days.

The other day I came home to find that my Tivo had recorded South Park. I hadn’t watched that show in what seems like forever, so I decided to check it out. It was the Christmas episode and I was actually blown away by the complexity of the story. It just kept twisting and turning so much I was amazed they were able to put it into a 30-minute show. Because I doubt most of you saw it I thought I would do my best to recreate the story as best I could. Although this post is somewhat long, this is the readers digest version. I hope you enjoy.

—Begin South Park story—
Stan, a little boy in a red poofball hat, was walking through the woods when he stumbled upon a group of woodland creatures decorating a Christmas tree and singing songs. The group of woodland creatures asked Stan if he would be so kind as to help them find a star for the top of their Christmas tree. Being the nice guy that he is, Stan fashioned a star from paper and put it on the Christmas tree for the woodland creatures. The woodland creatures were extremely grateful and they told Stan that they were now his friends.

That night as Stan lay in his bed, he was awoken by the group of woodland creatures. They told him that their friend Porcupiney the porcupine was pregnant. It was a miracle they said. Porcupiney was a virgin and she was pregnant with the baby of their lord. However, the woodland creatures did not have a proper shelter for their savior to be born in. They needed the help of Stan to build a manger.

Stan reluctantly got out of bed and went into the forest with the group of woodland creatures. He worked hard and built them a proper manger for the birth of their savior. When he was finished the woodland creatures were joyous. At least they were until two bright red eyes appeared at the edge of the woods. The woodland creatures scrambled to find safety.

As the eyes grew bigger it was reviled that a mountain lion had come for the porcupine. Apparently every year the mountain lion comes down from the mountains and eats the mother of the woodland creatures’ savior. The woodland creatures we’re distraught. They had really hoped that the child of their lord would finally be born.

The woodland creatures having no other option pleaded with Stan and asked him to help them with one more task. They asked if he would go to the mountains and kill the mountain lion so their savior could be born.

Although a very difficult task, Stan agreed. He went to the mountain to face the mountain lion head on. Perhaps by luck, Stan somehow managed to move at the last minute as the mountain lion lunged at him. The mountain lion flew over Stan’s head and fell to its death at the bottom of the mountain.

As Stan went down to ensure that the mountain lion was in fact dead, he saw the three cubs of the mountain lion. They were crying and asked Stan why he had killed their mother. Stan was suddenly faced with the grim fact that perhaps he had not done the right thing.

Depressed and down, Stan went back to the woodland creatures and told them about the death of the mountain lion. The woodland creatures were ecstatic. They could not believe that their savior would indeed be born. It was then that the woodland creatures reviled that their lord was in fact Satan and their soon to be born savior was non other than the antichrist.

The woodland creatures also told Stan that the mountain lion was actually a creature of God and it had always come every year to save the earth from a 1,000 years of darkness. The woodland creatures, in a ritual of Satanism, then sacrificed their friend Rabbity the rabbit on a satanic alter and commenced in a blood orgy as they ate the remains of his body.

The woodland creatures had tricked Stan. He had thought he was doing the right thing. He had thought that he was fighting for the good guys. He didn’t know what to do. It was then that he realized that he had to fix the wrongs that he had done. As Stan tried to tear down the manger he had built the woodland creatures turned on him. They used their satanic powers to start fires around Stan. The told him that nothing could stop them now. The only thing that could stop the birth of the antichrist was a mountain lion, and Stan had killed her.

Also the woodland creatures told Stan that Satan had spoken to them and they needed a human host for the antichrist. They needed someone who had not been baptized and didn’t believe in Jesus. Because Stan had been so helpful with everything else, the woodland creatures asked if Stan would be their human host. Fortunately Stan had been baptized and his family regularly attended church therefore he could not be the human host for the antichrist.

Stan was distraught. He did not know what to do. He then remembered that there were still three mountain lions cubs high on the mountain. Stan went to the cubs and convinced them that they had to help him save the world from the antichrist. However, they were only cubs. They did not know how to kill the mother of the antichrist. They still only had their baby teeth and baby claws.

As Stan was trying to figure out how to kill the baby antichrist, the cubs had the idea that they needed to give the porcupine an abortion. However, since Stan had no clue how to give an abortion they needed help.

Stan took the lion cubs to the abortion clinic on the outside of town. The abortion doctor at first was quick to give them the boot, but as Stan explained that the cubs wanted to learn about how abortions were performed, he changed his tune and showed the cubs all he knew.

Stan and the cubs finally went back to the forest armed with the information on how to perform abortions and a readiness to put and end to the antichrist. However, when they arrived they realized that they were too late. The antichrist had already been born. It laid in its manger, a vile little beast. In addition, juts to top things off, the woodland creatures had found a host for the antichrist. They had kidnapped Kyle while walking though the woods. As it turned out Kyle had met all the woodland creatures’ requirements. Kyle was Jewish and therefore he had not been baptized. Also because he was Jewish, he did not believe in Jesus.

Just as things couldn’t get any worse, a beacon of hope arrived. Santa Clause came flying out of the night sky in his sleigh with his eight tiny reindeer. Stan told Santa about what had happened and how there was now no hope because the antichrist had already been born. Santa, not one to be put down, reached into is sleigh and retrieved his shotgun.

Santa made short work of the woodland creatures as he blasted through them, one after the other. The woodland creatures tried to fight back by using their satanic powers but, luckily Santa was very resourceful and before long he had eradicated all of the woodland creatures.

The world had been saved. The satanic woodland creatures lay dead on the ground and the son of Satan lay helpless in the manger. At least that was the case until Kyle decided that perhaps it wasn’t such a bad idea to be possessed by the antichrist. Kyle saw that with the antichrist inside him, he could have unlimited powers. He was going to use the antichrist to bring back power to the Jews.

Just as soon as it seemed that there was no other option but to blast Kyle to hell was it reviled that the story that is actually being told by Eric Cartman. Apparently he had written the Christmas story as a class assignment. Kyle had been upset by Cartman’s story. He hated the way Cartman made fun of him for being Jewish. Kyle knew that there was no way that the story could end without Santa blasting him to pieces and he refused to let Cartman finish.

However, the rest of the class persisted and Cartman continued with the story. It was at this moment that my Tivo stopped recording. Apparently Comedy Central had shifted their programming by five minutes and the Tivo thought the show was over.

So there I sat. Mouth wide open. Not believing what had happened. I had at through that entire show, laughed my butt off, and then at the end was left hanging. I was kind of pissed.

If you saw that episode please tell me what happens. I really want to know. Also I’m sorry to leave you hanging as well. I thought it was a funny story. Although I know it was kind of offensive I hope you could see the humor behind it all.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.

If someone asked me to tell them something I’m good at, I’d have to say “getting late fees”. Sure it’s something easy that anyone can do, but I believe that I’m slowly making it an art form. Rough guess, I probably spend well over a hundred dollars annually on late fees. For instance, I recently rented a game. I played it for seven days, took it back, re-rented it, and paid the two day late fee. I then played it again for another couple of days, forgot I had it, tried to take it back, discovered I had not put it back in the box, and now its still sitting on my floor. I think its four days late now.

Also yesterday I found a receipt from the public library. It said that I was supposed to bring my books back three days ago. Now I’ve got this game that I’ve technically kept for six days longer than I should have and two books that are going to be at least a week overdue by the time I get them back.

At least I always pay my bills on time.

Oh man I am dragging tonight… I’ve been trying to get some things done all night. I just wanted to do some laundry and maybe straighten up the living room, but that hasn’t seemed to happen.

I was finally able to get one load of laundry in; it took me nearly all night. Also I swear it took 30 minutes to get the motivation to make a can a soup for dinner.

I’ve been feeling this way ever since I got back from working out. I’m just drained. I’m actually typing this with my head leaned back on my chair and my eyes closed. I hope it will add a little bit of character to the story.

Blah blah blah I may need to go get some late night coffee.

There should be a study done on caffeine and the ability of people to be creative. If my hunch is correct less caffeine means less creative people. It’s taken every bit of brain power I have to write this.

——

On a side note, Heather and I went and saw Gwen Stefani last night at the GEC. It was a really good concert and we had amazing seats. The only bad part was an hour intermission after the opening act. Also the thousands of high pitched screaming little girls wasn’t on my list of favorite things.

I’d definitely see go see her again.

You can’t really tell but that really bright light in the middle of the picture about 30 feet away is Gwen Stefani.

While thumbing around on the internet last night I found this collection of transparent electronics. These monitors and ipods aren’t really transparent. Someone just took a photo of the wall/area/space without the computer, and then they set the picture as their background wallpaper. It’s a little more complicated than that but that the basic gist of it. It’s just something I thought was cool.

For an assignment, Matt had to do a letter to the editor type piece. Below is Matt’s take on the current parking situation at MTSU. If you know nothing of this topic, let me tell that it’s kind of rough. Please feel free to leave any comments to Matt or myself. I will be sure to pass them on.

My favorite Christmas carol goes as follows:

“Season’s greetings in our soulllls
Yummy Fruity Pebbles in our bowls

Uh oh, here comes youu-know-whoo-ooh
Yabba Dabba Froooo-tee-licious, too”

Then Barney comes in, dressed as Santa, and tries to steal Fred’s cereal. But just as Fred is about to pop him one Santa chimes in and reminds Fred that “tis the season to be sharing”.

Fred and Barney put aside their differences and all is well.

Just a reminder to have a Merry Christmas!

I’ve found that walking around Wal-Mart/the mall trying to be nice and considerate of other people’s needs is only going to get you extremely frustrated and at the back of some line. Apparently this holiday season is full of jerks. You move out of the way so they can get by while you select some Mac and Cheese and they bang your cart as they pass. They walk up and down every aisle with their whole family 4 and 5 wide. Unbeknown to them is a little thing called single file. They hurry past you only to come to a complete stop right in front of you while they discuss shopping lists.

Don’t fret my friends. There is a way to handle this problem. The trick is to walk confidently and pretend that you are completely unaware of your surroundings. Usually headphone would help this process a great deal. You may also want to try and pick up the pace a bit too. Also remember that once that cart is in motion it shouldn’t stop until you’re ready for it to. This is especially true if kids are in the way. They need to learn sometime to watch out for other people. Why not today?