BlakeRoberson.net

When I went to Sonic tonight to grab a quick bite to eat they apparently never actually took my order and I sat there waiting for 10 minutes (It was really only about 5). Finally I pushed the button again and demanded to know where my food was (I really just asked nicely). The manager got on the speaker and asked me if I had moved my car. Perturbed, I yelled and pounded my fist against the car, screaming obscenities and cursing Sonic for ever being built (Yeah I didn’t really do that either). Frightened beyond imagination at what I might do, the manger told me it would be his honor to give me my meal at no charge (He really did give it to me for free, but it was because he was a nice guy). Finally when my food arrived, I jerked it out of the carhop’s hand and peeled out of the parking lot, leaving a huge skid mark and frightening a group of small children as I passed (Have you seen how much gas cost).

I was so upset by the whole situation I ended up only eating a couple of my fries before I tossed what was left of my food out the car window, hitting some old lady in a convertible (I actually ate it all and thought to myself how good Sonic really is). Surprised by the sudden impact of a cheeseburger slamming against her head, the old lady pulled her car hard into oncoming traffic and narrowly missed hitting head on with a tractor-trailer (Now I’m just making stuff up). The abruptness of the near accident startled a nearby heard of cattle, causing them to break into a stampede, which left them standing in the middle of the road after having just charged though the fence that was keeping them in a pasture.

Before I knew it, the cows had caused a major traffic jam and the police had to be called in to help coral the animals and direct traffic! Apparently one of the cops, having been on the job all day, neglected to properly lock the safety on his firearm and with just the right swipe of a cows tail a bullet was sent flying through the air.

Luckily no one injured in the shooting but the bullet did shatter the glass of a tanning salon in a nearby strip mall. Panicked by the bombardment of flying bullets and broken glass a few patrons of the tanning salon immediately abandoned their unsafe surroundings in little less than their bathing suits in search of somewhere out of harm’s way.

So the lesson learned from all this is that the near accident, the stampede of cattle, the discharge of a firearm in a public place, and a bunch of nakedness all could have been avoided if the person at Sonic had just gotten my order right (and if I didn’t just make it all up).