BlakeRoberson.net

The other day I received an email with the newest Dilbert newsletter. Among all the absolute gems of hilarity was this small story about why Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, is starting his own blog. I thought it hit the nail right on the head about what blogging is truly all about. I’m going to have to start taking notes from this guy.

MY OWN DILBERT BLOG
When I see news stories about people all over the world who are experiencing hardships, I worry about them, and I rack my brain wondering how I can make a difference. So I decided to start my own blog. That way I won’t have time to think about other people.

People who are trying to decide whether to create a blog or not go through a thought process much like this:

1. The world sure needs more of ME.
2. Maybe I’ll shout more often so that people nearby can experience the joy of knowing my thoughts.
3. No, wait, shouting looks too crazy.
4. I know - I’ll write down my daily thoughts and badger people to read them.
5. If only there was a description for this process that doesn’t involve the words egomaniac or unnecessary.
6. What? It’s called a blog? I’m there!

The blogger’s philosophy goes something like this:

Everything that I think about is more fascinating than the crap in your head.

The beauty of blogging, as compared to writing a book, is that no editor will be interfering with my random spelling and grammar, my complete disregard for the facts, and my wandering sentences that seem to go on and on and never end so that you feel like you need to take a breath and clear your head before you can even consider making it to the end of the sentence that probably didn’t need to be written anyhoo.

If that doesn’t inspire you to read my blog, I don’t know what will. You can find the Dilbert Blog at

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

The Game: Win Gwen’s Goodies
The Prize: Tickets to see Gwen Stefani perform at the Gaylord Entertainment Center Sunday December 18th. In addition, the prize also includes being entered to win backstage passes to actually meet Gwen Stefani herself.

Would you even be surprised to know that my girlfriend won something else off the radio? No? Me either, but let me tell you the details.

So for sometime now 107.5 has had this game, “Win Gwen’s Goodies” and Heather has been trying extremely hard to win. Even though we already have tickets, Heather really wanted the chance to meet Gwen Stefani (she’s a big fan). She’s been calling the radio station at least once a day. Well the contest actually ends this afternoon and Heather was honestly getting upset that she hadn’t won. Well leave it to that red hair of hers (my dad says its good luck) to win tickets the day before the contest ends.

I’m so proud of her for having this crazy talent to win stuff off the radio.

I got this new toothbrush. It has this huge beefy head that is chocked full of thick bristles that sweep away plaque like nobody’s business (I was drawing a blank in the humorous analogies department). Then as an added bonus, the back side of the toothbrush head is equipped with a rubber tongue scrapper. It’s the most advanced thing out to help fight the never ending battle against bad breath.

Ultimately though I must be honest, the transition between the old toothbrush and the new one has been a bit difficult. My old toothbrush was so slim and accurate. It had these crazy precision cut bristles that projected out in all these wild angles. They were perfect for getting the most microscopic pieces of plaque.

With my last toothbrush being so small and unequipped with a fancy tongue scrapper I managed to adapt by just brushing my tongue with the bristles themselves. Over time I realized that the small head of my old toothbrush allowed me to reach into the very back of my mouth, almost to the back of my throat and possibly eventually one day into my stomach. It was truly a fantastic site. I would wake up in the morning and totally eradicate the bacteria that cause bad breath at the very source, my neck.

Sadly, I must say that the new toothbrush’s gargantuan head/tongue scrapper only allows me to scrap to the forward part of the back of my tongue. Always the optimist and striving to do my best I’ve been working very hard to reach as far back into my mouth as I possibly can only. So far I’ve only been able to choke myself every time, but I’m hopeful that once I learn to control my gag reflex that I’ll be able to always have super sweet smelling breath.

While I was working on a small art project today, I somehow got sidetracked. This is the product of that.

The problem with Thursday is that I get out of class roughly by 3:00 in the afternoon and Heather doesn’t get home from work, if she’s lucky, until a little after 10:00. This means I’m home all by myself all night. Translation: I get really bored.

I’ve found that the best thing for me to do on these days, instead of going stir crazy, is keep myself as busy as I can. To better illustrate the lengths to which I will go to fight off the humdrum of just sitting around, here is a list of things I’ve done tonight:

1. Took a nap
2. Worked out for 45 minutes
3. Took a Shower
4. Played on the computer
5. Went to the grocery store
6. Put away the groceries
7. Made dinner
8. Ironed 7 shirts
9. Did 2 loads of laundry
10. Folded and put away those 2 loads of laundry
11. Emptied the dishwasher
12. Washed the dishes in the sink and put them in the now empty dishwasher
13. Feed my cat
14. Changed the sheets on the bed

Phew, lastly to top it all off, I watched Jerry McGuire while doing all this. I think I’m finally ready to sit down for awhile and welcome a small bit of boredom.

P.S. You had me at hello.

Seriously, if I was going to work and I felt this bad, I would honestly not go. Why am I so tired? Ehhhhhh….. Maybe I’ll at least learn something in class, but I doubt it.

Update: I felt better half way though the day. I think falling asleep in class twice really helped.

$54 pants, I’d like you to meet the world. World these are my $54 pants. I bought them with some of my birthday money. Other than fitting like a dream, I thought they were something special until I talked to Norwood. Apparently $54 isn’t really a lot of money to spend on pants for that guy. Here I am feeling like I had spent half my life savings on a single article of clothing and he starts rambling on about his $98 lucky brand jeans. Excuse me for being thrifty.

I’m just kidding, I know that $54 isn’t really that much to spend on a pair of pants, but I’m the type of guy who likes to get my jeans on sale at Old Navy for $25, if you know what I mean. I guess you get what you pay for. Maybe one day I’ll quit being so cheap.

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to… Blake
Happy Birthday to me

I’m 23 today!!!

When I went to Sonic tonight to grab a quick bite to eat they apparently never actually took my order and I sat there waiting for 10 minutes (It was really only about 5). Finally I pushed the button again and demanded to know where my food was (I really just asked nicely). The manager got on the speaker and asked me if I had moved my car. Perturbed, I yelled and pounded my fist against the car, screaming obscenities and cursing Sonic for ever being built (Yeah I didn’t really do that either). Frightened beyond imagination at what I might do, the manger told me it would be his honor to give me my meal at no charge (He really did give it to me for free, but it was because he was a nice guy). Finally when my food arrived, I jerked it out of the carhop’s hand and peeled out of the parking lot, leaving a huge skid mark and frightening a group of small children as I passed (Have you seen how much gas cost).

I was so upset by the whole situation I ended up only eating a couple of my fries before I tossed what was left of my food out the car window, hitting some old lady in a convertible (I actually ate it all and thought to myself how good Sonic really is). Surprised by the sudden impact of a cheeseburger slamming against her head, the old lady pulled her car hard into oncoming traffic and narrowly missed hitting head on with a tractor-trailer (Now I’m just making stuff up). The abruptness of the near accident startled a nearby heard of cattle, causing them to break into a stampede, which left them standing in the middle of the road after having just charged though the fence that was keeping them in a pasture.

Before I knew it, the cows had caused a major traffic jam and the police had to be called in to help coral the animals and direct traffic! Apparently one of the cops, having been on the job all day, neglected to properly lock the safety on his firearm and with just the right swipe of a cows tail a bullet was sent flying through the air.

Luckily no one injured in the shooting but the bullet did shatter the glass of a tanning salon in a nearby strip mall. Panicked by the bombardment of flying bullets and broken glass a few patrons of the tanning salon immediately abandoned their unsafe surroundings in little less than their bathing suits in search of somewhere out of harm’s way.

So the lesson learned from all this is that the near accident, the stampede of cattle, the discharge of a firearm in a public place, and a bunch of nakedness all could have been avoided if the person at Sonic had just gotten my order right (and if I didn’t just make it all up).

I made it back from my trip. No thanks however to Beatrice, the woman at the Southwest counter in Orlando. This woman’s rudeness and unwillingness to help left my grandmother and I stuck in an airport for six hours yesterday. Her smart comments and overall attitude made me so angry my hands were shaking and I was seeing red. However after realizing the consequences of an outburst in an international airport, I composed myself and slowly let my anger reside. Nonetheless, I totally freaked out on the airplane and had a mild panic attack, but I was happy to be going home.

My week was very long, and while relaxing, it still left me felling very drained. Traveling takes a lot out of you (Another reason I doubt I could be on the Amazing Race). To simplify me telling the details of what I did during my hiatus to the Bahamas I decided to make a chronological list of the process. Note: Any missing time that is not listed was spent eating.

1. Met my grandmother and drove to the airport
2. Boarded a plane and flew to Orlando
3. Exited the plane in Orlando and immediately got on a bus to Cape Canaveral
4. Exited bus in Cape Canaveral, filled out some forms, stood in line, and got on the Disney Wonder (The cruise ship)
5. Dropped luggage off and immediately went to a lunch buffet.
6. Took a tour of the ship, went to a cast off party, went to dinner, left dinner early because of motion sickness
7. Woke up the next morning in Nassau, went on a snorkeling expedition, went to the casino with my grandmother and lost $13.00 while she won $300 (with my help)
8. Went to dinner and watched a movie in the ship’s theater
9. Woke up the next day at Disney’s private island (Castaway Cay) and spent the entire day on the beach.
10. Ate some more, watched a play type thing, and got freaked out by the old man in front of me who was into the show way more than his granddaughter.
11. Got up the next morning and hung out by the pool the whole day and relaxed in the spas for a few hours.
12. Again ate some more and watched a play type thing, this time however I got extremely annoyed by the old man from the night before and contemplated telling to shut up right there in front of his granddaughter.
13. Got up the next morning, got on a bus to Orlando, got pissed off at Beatrice, waited in the Orlando airport for 6 hours, freaked out on the airplane, and then finally made it home.

Well that pretty much sums up my trip. Click here to see the photos. I didn’t take as many as I would have liked, but my aunt did and she’s mailing some to me. Once I get those I’ll post them as well.